India: 30 funny ways black money owning rich people hit with Demonetization

PM Narendra Modi’s surgical strike on black  money by demonetization has got hoarders scurrying. Indians being ones blessed with above average brains, insensitivity and pro-activity, have chalked up various  ways to dispose Rs500/1000 notes. From dumping in river Ganga, drains, roadside dustbins to burning sacks of it to getting staff to stand in bank queues to desperately repaying undocumented loans. Here’s list of 30 ways they are going about disposing the money and how it’s impacted the society.

30. Maoists and naxalites operations have been hit. With most villages having ratio of one bank per 10-12 lac population, the chances of converting notes is decreasing by the day, headaches increasing.

29. Stone-pelting has stopped in Jammu Kashmir. What army couldn’t achieve in months, GandhiJi’s photograph did overnight!

28. The rich are paying house related due taxes and also many of it in advance! Municipalities making record recoveries.

27. Electricity companies making huge recoveries in past arrears! All payments coming in voluntarily.

26. Terror camps, master led by ISI, have truck loads of Rs 500/1000 notes to convert or dispose. They are looking for agents to do the leg work or worse case can even think of plotting a hostage situation to get the government to convert. There is a problem though. There isn’t much money left to carry out such an operation! Great to misuse Allah’s name time and again to kill innocents; But, sorry, no work without Gandhiji’s selfie notes!

25. Medicine shops making huge sales. People buying medicines and medical instruments in advance!! Even offering hospitals to pre-pone surgeries! Even Metro train smart cards selling like hot cakes.

24. Initially hoarders were buying train AC tickets in bulk only to cancel them and get relevant money in cash. Too bad the government soon declared to stop booking wait listed tickets.

23. Buying flight first class or business class tickets is still on. There is a problem though. On cancellation, airlines never return cash. It’s only through paper instruments like cheque, pay orders etc! So sad! Needs to be deposited in a bank and declare source of income!

22. Donations into religious places are soaring. Rich are dropping money in sacks, bags and seeking blessings. When Modi is on rampage, only Almighty can protect you!

21. The rich are sending their own employees for long vacations at overpriced rates. Travel agents are making hay as companies are sending hoards of employees (with families) on week-long full paid vacations to Goa,  Sri Lanka, Maldives and more!

20. Small and medium business getting advance orders or recovering past dues. It’s fine as long as the receiver is willing to deposit in banks and declare as past due or new orders.

19. Political parties contesting state elections badly hit. AAP has not done any public rally since the news came out! Samajwadi Party are wondering how to settle family disputes when no negotiation can be made with cash! Trading of candidates is at standstill.

18. Sending employees to stand in bank queues and exchange notes for them. The employees get their daily wage only if they do this. Not for long though, the government has introduced inedible ink to be marked as sign of money converted and avoid repeat trips. Also the conversion amount capped to Rs 2000 for ones who don’t have bank accounts.

17. Rs 500/1000 notes dumped in drains – from my hometown Jamshedpur to Bareilly to Guwahati. Not worth the hassle to tell the truth, don’t have employees to queue in lines, so let me dump! Before I commit suicide! Oh by the way, there are news of businessmen committing suicides too.

16.  Sacks of Rs 500/1000 notes found burnt in Uttar Pradesh, dumped in river Ganges or kept in front of temple. Whosoever finds it is clueless on what next! Notes burnt will reduce fiscal deficit as liability is cancelled.

15. Jewellery sales are on high. Jewellery prices have risen. And all of that won’t be worth the hassle as PM Modi has promised more steps on black money hoarding is coming. Likely on Jewellery and bank lockers next.

14. To avoid hoarding of hard cash in future, grocery (kirana) shops, paanwalas, all and sundry installing debit card machines and jumping into mobile wallet infrastructure.

13. Banks plush with funds. Rs. Six lakh crores plus money deposit with banks till now!!! Cost of funds reduced for banks and likely interest rates will be down! Loads of money invested by the rich into shares and mutual funds markets too.

12. All property deals involving black money is in jeopardy. Property prices already down by 25%. Good time for the honest to buy but bad time for the dishonest to sell. Problem for the dishonest though is, it’s going to get even tougher to dispose those properties.

11. Touts and middlemen are having a field month. To tourists they are paying Rs 250 for every Rs 500 taken and so on. The profit margin is ranging 20% to 60% just by exchanging notes. They better be happy to deposit the proceeds in a bank and show as income! Better than stocking at home you see!

10. India’s most decorated industries (for the rich!) have been badly hit. Drug peddling which primarily deals with cash  has no takers for Rs 500/1000 notes … aside from rolling them for sniff!

9. Hawala market has come to a stand-still. What to hawala when the note itself is becoming equivalent to hawa (air)!

8. Betting (satta) industry hit badly. What’s the point of taking new bets when the existing notes have little options to store!

7. They all want to return past dues back to each other. For years they would have fooled and frustrated you of your money. Cheated you too! But now they are all calling up and saying please take your money back! In Rs 500/1000 notes!!! Let’s be friends again 🙂

6. The rich are looking for companies who need cash desperately – companies with major cash issues but lying balance sheets which said has lots of cash. People are pumping cash into such companies, hoping to get the money back in few years. Get money back in few years which don’t even have any decent documentation? Seriously!!

5. Paying maids, milkman, sabjiwala and all needy service providers in advance. The good thing is the receiver needed the cash now and anyways will make a 20%30% benefit from it as parts of it are likely to be waived off in months!

4. Paying employees in advance by cash. Even saying take as loan and return later. Well no documentation on the transaction here, so good luck to the returning part! Employee can walk away from this dishonest owner anytime. Respect he would have stopped giving much before anyways.

3. No beef ban or beef attack issues, no gau rakshak menace news, no love jihad or honour killing issues reported. When all castes/creeds/skin colour/community  standing in same queue, democracy gets deepened. Marriage dowry cash amounts down. You keep it rather, we will see it later. Marriages now happening at low costs.

2. Fake currency racket market badly hit. New software design needed. BRD (Business Requirement Document) is being prepared by BAs (Business Analysts)! And Guess what, this time they need to make notes which necessarily shed colour!!!

1. Extortion calls (hafta wasooli) market has come to a standstill. Likely if they call, the rich receiver will say please come fast and take the money!!

0. Political parties paying their cadres to stand in queues just for the heck of it to trouble the common man, mock at the system and provoke problems. This isn’t funny and happening big time to disrupt the current government strike on black money and create big fuss. Shame on them. If you are one of them who stood in queues to trouble the common man shame on you. Go sell your mother, wife and sister for money. You can do it!

Source: Articles on Google; some points scripted and collated by my school friend Siddharth Tiwary; some posted by my Facebook Friend and Bollywood actor Niraj Sah;

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