Satiristic Review: Street Dancer is Sadak Chaap Nachaniya with Achhe Din

Story or whatever..

A struggling band of ‘dhol bajane waale’ members pay forty lacs each (yes 40 lacs each!!!) to reach London and hope to ‘make it big’. There they find the streets frequently blocked by Indian & Pakistani immigrants hop, skip and jumping. Every alternate song is a gibberish rap song (Thank you Gully Boy) or a Punjabi song (Thank you Daler Mehandi and Bachchan sahab for starting this trend with Na Na Na Na Re). So your first half goes by hearing soniye, mundya, pind, gal, gabru and kudi to the beats of drums. Your second half is your extended television reality shows minus fake tears, elongated struggle stories, Anu Malik’s cheesy comments (thank God), any emotion, acting or logic. Midway through the semifinal, the Indian dancer playing for an English team, joins a Pakistani team. In the finals, Englishman switches off lights, so ‘dhol waale’ comes to rescue, so that Indo-Pak team wins. No, this review isn’t spoiler free, it’s intended to save you from spoiling your hard earned, 30% post taxed, money; save your ‘only weekend evening of solace’; and save your stress driving one hour amongst polluted, bullock cart speed, cars.

Real Achhe Din

Street Dancer is real Achhe Din for Sadak Chaap Nachaniyas… while India is busy blocking traffic and protesting a Citizenship Amendment Act so as to ensure garlanding every immigrant that jumps in through the wall or carries a kalashnikov through a boat; our sadak chaap nachaniyas show how immigrants can illegally go to London instead, dance around whole day blocking traffic, and even dance to feed other immigrants. If this isn’t enough, there are some more ridiculous elements… David Dhawan’s son, after one marriage dance show in India, has enough money to buy a gigantic hall in London. Am struggling to get a pigeon hole at Lonavala with my lifetime savings! Shakti Kapoor’s daughter, coming from a conservative Muslim family, is shown to have bipolar disorder… chiseled body, hot pants, high on energy dancing on neighborhood streets outdoors and burkha clad, multiple layer sun protection, low audio tameez talk indoors.

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Positives

1. All is not bad. People were cheering, foot tapping and jiggling their bodies during the show. The audience (and even celebrity critics) are frequently saying..”the dance moves are excellent”….well if you get professional chefs to make a movie on cooking..the food will taste good. If you get professional IT coders to make a movie on coding, the computer program will be top class….so professional dancers trying to extend their career, with a movie platform served on a platter by their godfather Remo D Souza …will dance well!

2. While munching your plate of expensive nachos and popcorn…you can live your dream of a chiseled body twisting like a rubber band…at least till the lights go on, and you have brushed away the pop corn bits from above your belly shelf.

3. Kids will enjoy this movie. Don’t ask me why, centuries of parenting hasn’t yet decoded what gives the next generation real happiness.

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3. The movie has a lot of human integration messages. Goras inviting Indians to form a team, Pakistanis inviting Indians to form a team, yada yada..

4. New methods of celebrating Indo-Pak cricket rivalry are shown. Splashing food is passe, twisting nipples is in!

5. Nora Fatehi is given exactly five lines to say. Coming from the female second lead, that’s a bonus.

6. The best dialogue in the movie “Bhagwan jab deta hai chappad faad ke deta hai, aur jab leta hai tab thappad maar ke leta hai”. Whatever that means… but good enough for you to rethink before you click the ‘buy 3D show tickets’ button. By the way, the 3D effects are a big downer, a week after Tanhaji, had put it on a high.

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Honest Ratings: 2.5/5

The movie is a one time watch for sake of peer/family pressure and to get a break from your spouse’s nagging … one evening. The breakup of the 2.5 rating is thus..

1 – for the extremely humble & multi talented Prabhu Deva dancing … especially on his own hit ‘Muqabla’ remixed. Half an hour of seeing India’s oldest celebrity movie dancer is pleasing and even makes you forget his wooden-face acting skills.

0.5 – for sparing us any needless romance, caricature villains, cleavage shows, cheap WhatsApp or  double meaning jokes.

0.5 – Aparshakti Khurana is the only person for whom you genuinely feel any pain. He is a rare actor in this 2.5hr long flick featuring a hundred plus twisting and jumping monkeys.

0.5 – Tribute to Nishkam SWAT, a UK based NGO that has serves langar (free food) to the hungry in UK.

(Dear Readers, from my original honest reviews mode, I am temporary switching to sarcastic, satire and fun reviews. I assure you ‘spoilers’ and ‘smiles’ !! Any feedback is welcome.)

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