Covid-19 FAQs… Just for fun

FAQs on single-source, double-mutant, third-degree, quadruple-helix Corona variant in India….

Q. Why is curfew from 8pm to 7am?
A. Corona is bit like Arnab Goswami (anchor, Republic TV) bit like Shahenshah (super hero). Like Arnab, it attacks at 9pm, repeat 12am, repeat 3am. Like Shahenshah, it ventures out in cooler temperatures only. Hence the curfew at those times.

Q. We were told Corona will die in heat, then why infections are increasing each summer?
A. Corona is just like your parents who after entire year of studying, come up and tell – “Good you completed 8th grade, but real challenge starts now. Good you completed 10th, but real challenge starts now”! Etc

Q. Why governments with so much educated people have no solution and only impose lockdown?
A. When you fight with your educated spouse, you end up not talking for days. It solves nothing, but after two days you feel something must be better. Ditto with lockdown.

Q. Does lockdown help?
A. Maybe it does. After all, Corona hangs around outside the door, waiting for people to step out to pick the newspaper, get the milk, go outside etc. Hence lockdown protects you by ensuring you stay inside your home. Note that Corona never enters your home, it only stays outside.

Q. Why are people who never step out of home still getting affected with Corona?
A. Ask your boring neighbour who will explain the physics theory how the milkman grabbed the door knob in the morning and later at noon the lady of the house grabbed the same doorknob out of love for the milkman… and Covid got transferred.

Q. Is it safe to attend Kumbh Mela?
A. Yes. Corona is afraid of religion and does not attack millions of people attending religious events. There will be no lockdown during Eid, you knew it already; anyways.

Q. Is it safe to attend political and election rallies?
A. Absolutely. Corona is terrified of politicians and flies that come with the cheap Biriyani served to crowds in rallies.

Q. Why Corona didn’t attack millions of people crowded in farmers rally protests?
A. Didn’t you hear the argument ‘they bring food to the table’? Corona respects that; you must too.

Q. Why are malls, bars & restaurants closed first, despite low footfalls?
A. When a person riding a car has accident with person on cycle, the blame and punishment is always given to the car driver. Corona is like that crowd who likes attack the rich. Hence malls, bars restaurants are closed first.

Q. Why are dense mandis (crowded wholesale markets), bazaars (street markets) not closed first?
A. Corona is like that thief who after attacking needs to escape fast before it gets caught. Mandis are so crowded that Corona cannot escape fast enough, hence they are allowed to operate.

Q. Why are people wearing masks also getting affected with Corona?
A. Deluxe Nirodh (India’s first condom) was launched in 1968. Soon it was distributed free to the people too. Yet India’s population kept growing from 0.5 billion to 1.4 billion.. ie 2.8 times. Get the drift?

Q. Why are only 50 people or less allowed at weddings?
A. Indian weddings generate lot of sound & light, which scares the virus (as proved by PM last year). The virus requires a critical mass of 51 or more people to survive.

Q. Why does Corona not attack crowded buses?
A. The virus has mutated and acquired human qualities. It hates road traffic and avoids buses due to the longer commute. Hence crowded buses are safe.

Q. Are local trains dangerous?
A. Yes. Corona prefers trains due to the quick commute. Also, the virus enjoys the breeze when standing on the footboard.

Q. Are online shopping sites, Amazon, Swiggy, Zomato etc Corona-proof?
A. Yes. Corona is not able to jump on to fast moving motorcycles and hence does not reach your home.

Q. Why does Corona not attack slum dwellers?
A. Corona cannot stand the competition from malaria & tuberculosis and hence focuses on higher income residential areas.

Q. Why are film-stars, sportsmen with so much Covid protocols and high immunity lifestyles still getting Corona affected?
A. Because Haathi ke daant khaane ke ek hote hain, and dikhane ke ek. Sachin or Katrina, doesn’t matter, they have same stomach challenges after muli paratha (radish in stuffed naan), as you and I.

Q. When will Corona end?
A. West Bengal has been promised ‘asshole poriborton (radical change) and Canada has just declared third wave of Corona, you take your pick!

Q. Can I see Covid?
A. Covid is like Maya (illusion). It is everywhere & yet, it is nowhere.

Stay home. Stay safe. Stay mad. 😃😂

Disclaimer: Part of the above content was already circulating on Whatsapp, I added some more points and creativity on it! Just for laughs.

Thank you for reading my blog. My life biography (Rated 5/5 on Amazon India by readers) is out in the markets now – based on one unintentional Facebook post which ended up making me jobless, unemployable and my family uprooted from singapore. The incident (and the book) shows the ugly, medieval, xenophobic and state backed racist side of singapore and that of social media. Fuming with the injustice meted out, I decided to retire from corporate slavery at an unthinkable age of 44. My biography is a book on failure management – how I handled my unemployable state, managed finances, heartbreaks, academic failures, corporate lateral demotions and global shaming. You can click any of the highlighted words to buy it whether you are living in AmericasIndiasingaporeAustraliaUnited KingdomEurope, Amazon globally or even if you want to read it in French!

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